Hindsight Is NOT 20-20
How’s this for a hump day, middle of the week “activity”. Just got home from the doctor’s office where they did a biopsy and took six samples from the inside of my prostate. I’m not an anatomy major by any means but somewhere below the stomach there are a lot of moving parts, prostate, colon, bladder, and a couple of so called private parts.
The day started off with a home application of a saline enema 2 hours prior to the appointment. The box says it works in minutes. It did, literally in seconds.
Since it’s a 20 – 25 minute drive my concern is a relapse while driving, you know where you have to find a gas station with an easily accessible restroom. I began drinking this bottle of water on the way so I would be able to leave the required urine sample.
Turns out I didn’t need the restroom. Check in was quick and easy. Left the urine sample in the little access door for the nurse to retrieve and send to get checked.
Then it was like the Army, hurry up and wait. Sat in the waiting area watching my appointment time came and went. Got to watch all these old people coming in with canes, walkers, wheelchairs and family members (I’m just 69, but not old, ok?). I made a couple of trips to the restroom as the water began to filter down through my body into the area with the moving parts.
Finally it was my turn and the doctor came to get me. We chatted as we went through the hall and he said it would be a piece of cake (with his 28 years of experience). We got to the room and he said to strip down to shirt and socks only. Then sit on the edge of the bed, cover myself with the sheet and he’d be right back. I wondered why the shirt and socks? Did he not need to see my hairy chest or wrinkled up feet? But I complied.
(A little aside here) if I don’t write it down while it’s still fresh in my mind, I’ll have a bit of trouble remembering it later.
He came in and said to lie on my left side, bring my knees up to my chest and relax. (How do you relax when you’re naked on what resembles an operating room table?) I tried. I felt the shot he administered to numb my southern border (had to get that in). Then he waited for it to take effect. A female doctor came in and said she was assisting him in the procedure. Then it was time to begin.
He said once he began I would feel a puff of air and virtually no pain. Yep there was the puff of air and no pain at all. About half way through I began to feel strange, weird and he asked if I was ok? I told him I felt like I was going to barf (vomit) out of both ends. He brought me a pan and paper towel and then ALL #&@* broke loose. I have never felt like that before and I hope never again. As I began to barf (vomit) old faithful irrupted and although I couldn’t see it, my mental picture was that of a firehose shooting water on a fire, not once, not twice, but three times in rapid succession. I felt bad for them when they went to get another biohazard bag, like I said in the title “hindsight is not 20/20”, it’s just plain ugly.
Then I had to lie there about 15 minutes afterwards until I began to feel like myself again. I was helped to my feet and told to get dressed. Then escorted back into the waiting room where I was told to grab a cup of coffee, sit for a spell and wait until I felt I was safe to drive home. I walked over to the coffee area, grabbed a cup and one tiny drop of coffee came out (empty container). So I filled my cup with water and headed out the door to the truck and came home where I had coffee waiting. All is well, but like a bad movie, everything came out in the end. – I am the Real Truckmaster!